Can I Tell You Privately?

Can I tell You privately how much I dread each day?
The simplest tasks or visits and I want to run away!
I fear that I will make a mess and say too much, or not
I always seem to aggravate the ones I love a lot.

I am so me and cannot change; I fail and fail and fail
I let You down by too much talk or silence or complaint
My life is never finished and I do so wish it would
Then my next mistake would be my last and I could see some good.

Dear Lord You keep forgiving me but I want an early mark
I am torn in two by failures and can’t face another start
By the time my feet have touched the floor my negative’s awake
And the thing I find attractive is just to run away.

My brain is wired backwards; I go backwards when I swim
I’ve never figured that one out. I go out when I should stay in.
I am really too contrary I want what I haven’t got
And when what I want is given to me I’d throw away the lot.

I know my time is running out and I was raised to try and please
But since I am no good at that what could I do with ease?
I could hide inside my little room and not answer the door
But Lord I want to be with You, did I mention that before?

W.B. Oct ‘14